BURN

I’m not going to go into much detail with this next blog. I’m writing about it because it was something very significant that happened, that effected me deeply. I worked really hard to find peace with it, to stop allowing it to control me. Almost 9 years ago something happened in my life that changed everything.  Something that in a million years I thought would never happen. Something that broke me to my core, made me question everything and everyone. There are only about 10 people in my life that know what occurred, so I am surprising myself by writing this blog to be honest.  I write because Dee helped me let go of something that had consumed my brain more often then it should have, more often then I wanted it to. I gave it the ability to have power in my life and I desperately needed to change that.  I allowed this trauma that occurred to stop me from being me, I allowed it to take things from me that I was unaware of.  Talking it out in therapy through many steps towards healing & many tears I finally got to a place where I don’t allow it to control me anymore.  It took me a while to forgive myself for something that wasn’t my fault, for something I couldn’t control. When this happened I didn’t know any other way to express my feelings but art.  I created an art piece that expressed what I was feeling.  The piece was black & white, simple & every emotion I was feeling.  I kept that canvas for almost 9 years I never intended to hang it up.  The only other person I allowed to see it was my husband , then later Dee as well. The last homework assignment that Dee assigned me to take the power back was to destroyed it.  She gave me the choice of how I destroyed it, I chose fire.  I had my husband start a fire in the pit and I threw it in.  I watched it burn and I cried, I felt free!  I grabbed my camera and took a picture, I captured this moment so I can remember how strong I am.  That I  am capable  of overcoming something that I thought had broken me.  I took back my power and I was proud of myself. I worked hard for this progress and I was proud! So I share the photo that I took.  I will keep this picture, I will display it proudly because after all I DID IT!!  I know we are all stronger then we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes it’s scary to confront those things that are uncomfortable, painful & long avoided.  For me to confront them head on was one of the best decisions I have made. I feel lighter, I feel more at peace.  I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my husband and the help of Dee, for them I am forever grateful. 

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